The feeling of uncertainty is an uncomfortable one. And it's a feeling that's settled into my stomach, right below the feeling of excitement. This last year and a half, Eric and I have got our shit down. We can pack our bags in minutes, each of us knowing where everything goes. I navigate. He drives on the wrong side of the road. When we meet new people, we reel them into a conversation as a team. I know I can count on him to hold his end. We have been together very single day, mostly every hour and minute, since this adventure began. I look out for him and vice versa. To say we are close is an understatement.
So what happens when we get back? Of course we are looking forward to having more space and having a constant place to stay. We are excited not to unpack or research to death what we'll do each day, where we'll eat, and where we'll sleep.
But where do we pick up at home? We are coming home after a year plus of adventures, challenges, and a lot of learning. How does this translate to cultural capital and currency in Seattle? Some of our friends have never left the country. How do we relate to them now? And then to us? What is said?
When people politely ask, how was your trip, what is the correct one sentence response that they want? How can you sum up something so big into a response? It would take more than a dinner party for us to get through what we have seen, who we have met, and what we have learned. But who would want to hear all of that?! We are realistic, no one. But where does that leave everything that's happened? Is it just the space between us? How do we proceed?
As we come home, beyond excited to see family, our friends, and kitty, there's a feeling of uncertainty. And with all that we have learned over the last year I know that things will work out. In situations as stressful as where Eric has had a knife ready to defend us, everything has worked out. And things will continue to work out at home. But I'm feeling vulnerable. I'm scared for what will come when we return. We have changed. But now will we change back to what we were before we left? What traits will remain? How will things go forward?
I think at big life transitions there are always so many feelings surrounding the "next". As I feel uncertain and excited, I have to remember to trust each emotion as it comes and to see where it takes me.